So it begins….

I don’t remember my exact time, or my birth weight. I used to.

I know my middle name was specially selected by my mother so I would not be a junior. Evidently she knew then what kind of man he was. At around this time he was running with a biker gang called the warlocks and heavily addicted to speed. He also associated with the local Italians who dealt with just about anything from drugs to guns to murder. I guess his early life was a lot like the Sons of Anarchy show. He spent a lot of time with his brother Randy partying at houses, parks, hunting cabins, and anywhere there was one I suppose.

My mother however was in process of being converted by my uncle Gary (One of her blood brothers)with the rest of her family from Catholicism to Christianity. A fundamentalist sect called the Plymouth brethren. She realized she didn’t want the bad man anymore, she wanted a good Christian man. My dad of course was never going to conform to this, he did not and would not stop for anyone. Bull headed my family called it.

I know I was born loved, I know from my baby pictures and so many of them I was loved. My father however, was not capable of giving me any of that love. I learned many years later my father had major love and intimacy issues. I realize in retrospect when I did eventually live with him why we never got close, or hugged. We never even said we loved each other. I think that came from his father.

I can imagine every way it possibly could have went, but its not so much the event, it was all a means of what was to come. The only thing I can tell you for sure that was learned on this night is having a child will never save a marriage. Forcing a marriage over an accidental pregnancy will never make anything any better. The retrospect of this confirmed my future beliefs in abortion. It was not the best of situations, certainly not the worst. But as I know now, I would pay heavily for the price their choices all through my life.

No song to mark this moment, no retrospect of a fond existence and how it was worth it,just Happy birthday, or Fuck You. Either way works.