Age 7

With my mothers pregnancy happening this year the next step was to buy the lousiest house in the worst neighborhood in pottstown. The house was sold by a man named joe gurka, he gave some furniture pots and pans he didn’t want. The basement flooded, the roof leaked, it was what we called a half a double (one house split down the middle for 2 families.) The walls were baby shit green, none of the doors worked, the place was eerie and unsettling. Loaded with cockroaches. I mean loaded like you could hear them crunch under your feet if you didn’t turn the lights on. Sometimes they didn’t even give a fuck about the light. Home, what a joke. One bathroom for the whole house.

First grade was in limerick chapel, I had made some great friends then. I still remember their names to this day for they stayed in all of my future dreams. I loved school and couldn’t wait to get there and away from being alone, adults were nice but peer company was even nicer. I could finally shelf my imaginary friends and trade them in for some real ones. Things began to happen to me psychologically. I used to sleepwalk and my imagination would be most of my self entertainment. However for a child that age I appeared to be extremely self-reliant.

I also remember this year my father coming to pick me up for a visitation. He was with someone, not sure who but I remember we ran out of gas somewhere. The man walked off with a gas can and me and dad sat in the car for hours. Not saying a word. I just played quietly with my thoughts in the back seat and who knows what dad was doing, sleeping drunk maybe. The thing of it all was my first swear words. They spent the day calling each other dildos and pussies. Funny words, it stuck. I remember talking to my mother one day a few weeks after and dropping a person was a dumb dildo and a pussy. Don’t remember who. She asked if I know what a dildo or a pussy was and I kind of scratched my head a second and said something to the effect of I dunno, some cats? The innocence of ignorance and youth.

With my brother Joe being born the positive attention and family interactions went out the window for me, It was all about Josef. Settling in of the new old piece of shit house the only thing I had with all of the new rules and duties to go with it. I didn’t mind much though, I still had school and all my friends. I’d get through it. It was just going to take time. Soon I’d have a brother to pal around with. I was looking forward to it.