Age 21- There is no prosthetic for an amputated spirit.

Out of Norristown, Noelle spent most of her time out or working. I still had the apartment upstairs but I could no longer stand it there. I stayed in the aol chat rooms until I couldn’t take it anymore then I would go out for walks all hours of the night. Somewhere in that mess I met John and Chrissie hut I honestly for the life of me do not remember how. It was months since I hit an aa meeting or talked to Phil, went to a spades game nothing.

I spent every minute with her she was wiling to give me, was not much. The rejection and isolation didn’t matter, thanks to the pills. Anyway Chrissy was who I met first. Natural redhead, Incredibly sexy, she just was sex and sin like I never saw before. She was so trampy and just did not give a fuck. No love believe me that Scorpio had a heart of Ice. We flirted pretty heavy and she asked me to come to her place. Well her place had man shit all over it so I’m like what gives? Well she’s telling me john and her are swinger and he wants to meet me. We had a neck session and some oral and she’s telling me it’s cool john’s ok with it. I hadn’t had sex in months, forgot what it was like actually. Noelle just wasn’t doing it. I probably scared her at that point.

Well I hated being alone so I used to stay up there and wait for one or the other to come home from work and just hang out. They both liked me, I dog sat and kept him from trashing the place and cleaned up a little here and there, fixed things. Just kept busy. We became a triad. All of it was under noelle’s nose but she was so far from me I could have building a bomb and she wouldn’t have noticed. I knew she was just feeling sorry for me at this point.

Had my first devil’s 3 way with these people. Also john attempted a homosexual experience with me topping and that didn’t work out at all. He was fairly disappointed with it, he really wanted a bisexual partner, but I was not gay in the least. When chris wasn’t with john, she had no problem being my girl, or treating me like a man, or fucking me like one. Had a extraordinary amount of fetish and kink with her. Whips, chains, restraints, gags toys we did quite a bit. All sex though, believe me nobody was dominating her ass, except in the sack. She’d write a lot of poetry too, but she’d show no one.

Noelle’s apartment needed new carpet, and she was out for the weekend. The shore I think. So I did her place while she wras away and who fucking shows up while chrissy’s there? Noelle’s mother. Yah I wasn’t going to hear the end of this shit for sure. I was taking a nap in my apartment, we were supposed to meet for

lunch. Well, she threw her whole at me screaming how dare you bring that slut in my place yada yada. Well, it didn’t matter much. Thanks to the drugs.

I could go on for hours on what I learned and what I did with these people but the most notable thing was the pregnancy scare. My condom broke and some spilled out. I didn’t think much of it till she came back positive. It was either me or john and John said he was sterile. So it was probably mine. She was going to have the baby until I decided to pull my psychiatric history from the hospital. I gave it to her and said here’s what your in for. She called me the next day for the 185 dollars for the abortion. At this point I lost the apartment, I was too embarrassed to sleep there, so I slept in the park for a few months. It didn’t matter long as I had my pills nothing did.

At this point I went back to Noelle, broke down and told her everything, including the pregnancy. I have no idea where or why but we sort of patched up, and she loaned me the money to give to her. I took her to the place and they did it. Done. The last time I saw chrissy as a partner was a couple weeks after I stopped by, I had my gun cabinet up there. She knew I was coming and man did she look amazing. All dressed up, Wearing latex. I had and still do have an amazing weakness for latex outfits on a good body. It’s a real weakness. But I said I couldn’t and I was out. After some heavy convincing I left. Went back to Noelle. It was no longer love at this point, it was necessity for each other and my hold what little I had left over her. But it was enough to keep us together I think.

We went by for a couple of months, spent most nights alone on the computer typing to sandy and people in the reading room. Seemed to be my only joy, noelle hated it. She was always wanting to go out, party, see the world. I had enough of it. No energy or motivation to do anything and did not care if it got done. So it didn’t surprise me when she had enough. I moved back home with Mom and her boyfriend.

This is where it got weird. My mother’s boyfriend at this point thinks it a good idea to go down and see Noelle. Well, he gets in the door with news of me and how I’m doing and out comes the shit. He tries fucking her and says he put the ring on my mother to keep her happy and he don’t love her and I’m no good for her and he’d treat her so much better, the whole deal. Noelle calls her mother, her mother calls my mother. I know nothing of any of this. I just hear my mother screaming mad at first, then she’s screaming for help. I hear it through the vents and I grab a bat and go running down stairs. He’s got my mother pinned to the floor and hes on top of her screaming. I hear her saying if you don’t get off me I’m going to yell for my sons. Well one came. I can’t tell you how I felt, but he was about to die. I would have busted his skull like a ripe melon.

I said one time very softly, get off her or I’ll put your brains on the wall. He did, cursing and stamping off and mom started screaming the story. She told about Noelle, the 16 miscarriages she had trying to have Jon for him and what a fucking pig he was. I agreed, this was pretty fucking low. You seriously tried fucking my ex after I left? just god what a hog of a man. All this time were swimming in his pull and he’s jacking off to her in a bikini. What a piece of shit. I heard the rumors of him screwing a gym teacher in a junior high school and getting barred from the premises for helping little girls on shit and getting a little to close. One girl complained. Fucking hog. It was all true. He stuck it in everything, and my mom just turned her head till now. She had enough I had enough we all had enough. Even his fucking family was a bunch of pigs. They all sided with him saying so what it’s not like they were married, WTF? all those years and a kid. The mother in law tried to sort it, however my mother was not having it, and I couldn’t blame her.

I went back to Noelle, mom went to look for a place all of us could live in and be a family. She found one on berks street in Boyertown. All I needed to do was fix up the basement. Noelle and I were in dire straits with money, this would put us out of Pottstown and back in Boyertown. It was a new start, we went for it. My mother’s punk fuck of a loser then pulled the lowest shit I ever seen. He knew mom was broke and he threatened to go after her for full custody of jon if she didn’t do everything he wanted. No child support, no custody file, watch him whenever he felt like dumping him off, and just being a general asshole to her.

She broke under the pressure and took only seeing him some of the time to losing him completely. I never saw my mother so broken or so torn. Whenever she cried, it was over that kid. Make no mistake.

My mother’s lawyer told her she didn’t have the money to fight this guy, and couldn’t prove to the court that she could provide better quality care. It was battle she couldn’t win, He had more money, more family and wasn’t already married twice like my mother was. I’m sure my psych history didn’t help either. But we lost him, and it hurt us all. Mic especially they were close. So mom ended up getting Jon every other weekend, and luckily she got her grandmothers inheritance money she put into his house back. We all moved in with what we had, and tried our best to be a family.

With my mother out of action from a combination of grief and back surgery, along with pain medication. It was up to me to be the patriarch of the family again. I ran the house, built my room, cooked all the meals, helped with homework and tried to maintain my working woman as best I could. But through it all I was in hell. Hell was living without her love.