So I come back to pa, I can still remember my heart sinking when I entered the state.Thankfully my brother joe maintained my car. I took it back and gave him the piece of shit ford escort I was driving. Better than nothing I guess. I eventually sold it off to a scrap yard and settled in with my grandparents. That lasted a whopping 2 weeks. I had sandy meet me at the airport. I also had nicole. Sadly I was so out of my mind I couldn’t figure which way was up anymore due to the alcohol I ended up ditching sandy and we never spoke again for a long, long time. It wasn’t that I preferred nicole, it was just I didn’t want to see sandy and get attached to PA again. I wanted to see her, but I knew i was leaving again and soon. I ditched her at the airport.So eventually Val Convinced me to go out to illinois. I wanted out of PA in the first place so I literally grabbed at anything to get out again. She was anything, believe me.
I was’nt even really attracted to her, just knew she was as lost as I was and not looking for love, just someone to handle the lonely night and put up with her, I could do that. When my shit came back from england and hit the dock in philly we drove back for it. On the way back she blew up- my engine. I begged the state troopers to drive me to a uhaul in ohio so i could rent a truck and a dolly and get the fuck out of the state. When the did they ran her ID. They arrested her for bouncing a check in a wall mart in missouri. Should have been the first clue. She also like her cocaine, but I didn’t judge. She had a hell of time getting rid of it, the cops never found it. they searched her but they missed it in her pack of smokes. She dumped it in the toilet at the cop station.
I bailed her out and we got to the uhaul, i loaded the car on the dolly and we finished the trip to illinois. First thing we agreed on was bringing down justin, and we spent the week partying it up and getting into all kinds of trouble. She was a freebase user, something else I didn’t know and she would have these violent bitch fits when she wasn’t on the shit. Justin tried to balance her, it wasn’t happening. I desperately looked for a job, she was busy using my car for drug runs. Even got in a fucking accident and punched in my rear panel, but I didn’t give a fuck. She paid for my engine to get fixed. What sucked is and what I didn’t know till later is she was having an affair with this old fucking guy.
She’d fuck this dude for his checkbook and was bleeding him dry with her drug habit. It was so bad her kids were looking for her. This shit lasted about a month till I found a job and me and justim one day just had enough. I waited for her to get in one her fits wear she told me to get out, this time I just packed up and left.
Right on my last box she was trying to change her mind and I said fuck it. We tore ass out of there with her screaming like you wouldn’t believe. Funniest shit I ever did. Fuck her. Lying fake bitch. I went to west frankfort and settled into a hotel. This was the bad time.
I worked a place called crown line boats and I was waxing hulls and doing carpet with a guy in town from time to time to make ends meat. I could barley afford my rent let alone eat. I had a dollar a day to eat on and I stole donuts from the morning shift to eat. I was starving, had nothing. My car with its rebuilt engine had a bad cylinder, I was using a case of oil a week to get back and forth to work. Crown line was a temp job and one day they just said we don’t need you anymore. Now I was fucked.
The best job in the area was general dynamics ordinance and tactical. They were hiring, but it was a hell of a process. I used to have just enough money to get 3 drinks once a week at the loophole tavern. This place was owned by a Klan wizard and he didn’t mind letting you know. He had pictures of KKK and native american shit all over the place. I used to drink with a girl named charmagne. She was the ugliest woman on the planet. I didn’t care, liked the company. She’s the one who told me to go to dino, Dino owned the place I would soon call home known as angel eyes. Angel eyes, really… Flashed back to noelle’s song and took it as a sign. Dino let me in for nothing, he seemed to like me. He said pay when I could.
So I did. Out of the 30 people general hired as temps they kept me and 2 others permanent. I was so proud of that shit. Paid 18 an hour which was great for that area. I was so broke trying to keep the car running and catching up but I met and had some amazing experiences. Like Dara. She was real short lived but I will never forget her. She looked like a short angelina jolie. Bad drunk, but man just spending the couple nights I did with her I would have married her if she asked. But she was not to be. Charmagne even tried. She got me so fucked up one night I couldn’t get off my stool. She kept kissing me and I was so fucked up I didn’t care. Till I did care and walked out of the bar. Tried to. I was so drunk I was offered a ride home by 3 people. I tried to walk, charmage tried to follow. Thank christ her man showed up, I think someone called him. He beat her ass back in that car. He was so in the right. Take your bitch home, I didn’t want her.
I spent most of the summer out at the lake with this girl I met in section 8 housing. I forget her name but she was nice. We never even kissed, but she was a nice girl. I had another one that was married, she had a few boyfriends. I even called her husband to make sure he was for real, and you know what? he really didn’t give a fuck… so I was like whatever. I eneded up scrapping my car and buying an el camino with a 308 for 500 bucks off some lady, drove it halfway home and the head gasket blew. I laughed unscrewed the plate and called a cab.
My second car was a stick shift ford escort. The fucking tie rod went and almost killed me. Luckily the mechanic had mercy on me and fixed it for 30 bucks.
About this time my parents show up. They were driving through and stopped by. They offered to take me with them and I said I got myself where I am I’ll get myself out. I really wanted to say, I hooked up with a drug addict, I was tired of hurting, I was tired of being used, I was starving to death, I was miserable, I was going to die here, and I just didn’t give a fuck anymore.I don’t know there just seemed like there was nothing they would take me to. I felt like I was going to go out of the frying pan into the fire.
Then my job has a layoff, and I ran out of money. Dino was getting worried and I was out of options. I skinned down to about 90 pounds and just accepted the fact I wasn’t going on much longer. But like all things dead and gone to the point of oblivion in my life, something happened.
Her name was Tatianna. I met her on liwe, she was amazing. Native american, Cherokee. Long black curly hair, she was a masseuse in California, had her own shop in ventura. We started talking, we started having cybersex, we became quite an item. But there was something else, we discussed alot of the supernatural and extraordinary. She was fascinated with vampirism, the dark. She was a bloodletter. She was seductive, dangerous, cold. Everything vincent wanted. She said there was something special about me. We talked of crowley, the religion I flowed of him and my path of death I was paving. Someone saying I was special was something new to me. She said I didn’t have to die, I just needed to be somewhere I belonged. That’s when she introduced me to Bloodstorm.
His name is Nikolas Damiani,and this will be the first time I have wrote of these things. I have only spoke of them. I had long since put down crowley and the arcane, or even touched on the things that happened with energy transfer through people. We would speak long into the night in between some very sexual sessions of everything dirty we could think of. She was as adventurous as me, as kinky as me, as submissive as I would have liked, and something else. She was Vampyre. Meeting nik was quite an intimidating experience. After the first 5 minutes, we were best of friends. He saw something in me too. He told me of a long dead group he head that was based in florida, now residing in georgia with him. The group was Bloodstorm’s Vampyre Nation.
They spent most of there time in locked rooms on Liwe now, VAV was there glyph. A glyph that would eventually stay with me forever. At first it was 5 of us that still held on to the pilot light, Nik said I needed no initiation, i was automatically accepted and granted antediluvian status. This meant I was past a veteran and untouchable. This drove tati crazy with desire, she said no one had ever been handed the title like this and it totally raised her infatuation with me.
Tati had status, but she had a whole hell of a lot more with me attached to her.
She had no problem with the credit of taking me in.
I was nik’s right hand, the executioner of his will. I did it faithfully. Nik was extremely intelligent, especially in all aspects of religion and folk lore including mythology. It would be through him I would discover what and who I was. I was a psy vampyre, I would absorb and convert energy from all around me, and I would be taught to control it. I also became fascinated with H.P. lovecraft and begin to practice magik again. Sigilism through austin osmond spare. I will post more information on all of this in other posts. I loved being a vampyre, I loved practicing spare’s doctrine, I loved being nik’s right. But with power comes desire, and although the group was small, I felt I could resurrect it to its former greatness. However, it was not my time to be yet. Now was the time to educate myself, to use tati for all she was, and to feed vincent like never before.The more power he had the less the weak little pathetic me would come into the picture. Vincent would now try again to murder all that I was. I wanted to die, I even tried to let him. but I suppose that bastard of a feeling called hope would hide me in the shadows, in my bricked up room. In safety.
My cousin Decided to start his own house flipping business, and he talked me into coming back to PA to help him. I would lay carpet, and do the electrical. Even my uncle bob got in on it, that’s what sold me. He got me to believe in it enough to leave. He picked me up on the way to pa through montana where he was staying with my uncle jay, That fell through. I hung louise’s gold cross she gave me on my cabinet for dino, was the only way to pay him what I owed him.
So back to PA we went, with my newfound camaraderie, my new religion, and my new woman of amazing fire. Love? God no. Desire? overwhelmed with it. I was so proud of what I belonged to I had no problem telling anyone who I was or what I was becoming. The new life shed all attachments to the old, including the people in it. I felt reborn in the underworld, I felt like I was an entity just slipping in and out of the normal people. I found superiority through rejection of the normal, and became proud of it. It’s not that they could not accept me, it’s that they would not.
I stayed with my cousin’s best friend bryan, we had 2 houses to renovate. We worked in the evening because the daytime was filled with contractors that were in the way. This would be the first time I worked on electricity professionally. It was all due to my grandfather Bruce. He taught me all i knew to that point, and I found it fun to fool around with something so dangerous. Playing with death as I lived in undeath, so to speak. We worked on the places for about a month, paid pretty good. Then the work ran out, and my cousin left me twisting in the wind with no food, no car, and no ability to find work or pay rent. I was starving out again and that asshole gave two fucks about it. Just pretty much an oh well I promised you the moon and could not deliver. So now what?
Me and tati were growing inseparable, I had our long distance relationship down to a science. I perfected it really. We were so close I knew where she was at all times, and myself as well. She blessed me to go to Georgia and be closer to nik. My parents offered it to me as a new start, I gladly took it at that point. I was really happy with tat, the nation, they needed me. Nik needed me. I had to survive, I had to go on. So I did what I had to do.
I moved to Hamilton Georgia. It was a small little town and a great quiet place. It didn’t have all the amenities but I had a room, and a place for my PC. All I needed. I began to discuss to nik the idea of expanding the nation on a global scale and creating attraction to the group. Basically reforming the group to not only it’s former glory, but more. Nik like the idea of the notoriety, so he gave me his blessing. Thankfully I had some website knowledge, and louise had an extremely artistic flare. We were still talking and she custom designed all my graphics for me. They were amazing, i started to work on building the entire nation site with flash, I worked on it day and night, and picked up work as a carpet installer with a fella by the name of donnie hickman. Work was long, pay was decent. I was treated like shit, but coming home to tati and the nation, it mattered not.
It was around this time I started to question tati’s genuine sincerity. Behind the scenes I spent quite a bit of time paying attention as I always did with girls, details. Some of them were just not matching up. I eventually discovered that she was not everything she said she was. She was using me for more than I allowed her too and I just couldn’t live with that. I shouldn’t have cared if the relationship was based on lies, but eventually I guess I did. I broke it off with her. The nation gave me everything I needed, I was growing tired of the lying bullshit of women anyway. In a pile of her tears, I told her to fuck off and never come back. She never did.
From there I had this kind of epiphany. I kept seeing the electricians whenever I was busting my balls laying carpet with the retards. They were happy, they dressed well, they were smiling. I wanted it. I did those houses in PA and had a blast. It was time for a change. So I talked to jim about it. It was the first time I consulted him as father, and I was amazed at the response. He said he wasn’t worried about the rent money like mom was so intent on collecting from me. He wanted me to be happy. I told him I wanted to be an electrician, he said it was good choice and gave me his blessing. I found a job from the 16 an hour I was making to 5.50 an hour with DP jones electric. The money didn’t matter, the nation mattered.
My parents were renting in hamilton, they bought a house in ellerslie. The work
would come out of columbus. The company was just taken over by the owners son, murrey. This guy was a smart mother fucker. Good Businessman. He raised me up pretty steady and quick and his only employees left were phil and spencer. Eventually after me they employed mike thompson. He was a one armed electrician from oklahoma. He still had his other arm, it just didn’t work right.
Bad drunk, but a good loyal soul. We got along great, it was me and phil and spencer that did not. Phil eventually employed his son, which he didn’t work with his father I did. His father hated yankee’s, and spencer just went along with whatever phil did mainly. It eventually came to a head when one day he was threatening to beat me up again and with all that happened with my stepdad I just got sick of it. I called him outside. I threw out my pockets on the table and told him to bring his ass out the door and start stomping a mudhole in my yankee ass as he was so proud to express in ten minutes or he was a bitch ass pussy mother fucker that couldn’t have a dick if he prayed for one.
He never came out, the next day I was fired. I was hired by sunbelt the same day for a decent raise and a chance to work on service truck. Till then I had done mostly residential new house custom, so this was a great opportunity. I worked with an amazing master electrician by the name of tim tate and he taught me so much. How to use my head, think outside of the box, improv, be professional and kind. Everyone loved him. He was an amazing man. He was the jump start to all of what I am today. Jim lent me tools, even his truck. What a guy. Eventually I bought my saab 900 turbo. 1989 stick shift. I loved that car. It had a sunroof, heated leather seats. Restored it with every dime I had. Time even helped me find it. We’d look at cars on our downtime.
My awakening happened around this time. I was contacted by a female via a messenger one evening. Her initial was we needed to meet. I asked why might that be? She said she had a gift for me. She said specifically there are so few of us left it would be a shame to let me just slip by. There was so much mystery and intrigue, I really couldn’t help myself. She had me go to five points in atlanta. She picked me up and we walked around the entire night it seemed like, talking. She asked if I wanted to go with her and i did. She wasn’t anything like I has seen or sensed before or since. She lit some red candles and fed from me, she cut the inside of my leg. She then bit her lip and had me kiss her. She was in some kind of trance, and soon I fell a part of it to. She picked a stone and muttered some kind of incantation and rubbed it on the spot she cut my leg. She asked if I knew what a bloodstone was, I said yes. She said now you have one. I never saw her again, spoke to her, or could contact her. I will not ever speak her name. Or exactly what was done. But from that night on, I was completed. I always wondered if nik had something to do with that, but I never asked. The stone was tucked away for many years.
Around this time I spent my days daydreaming of the nation and what to do with it. I got nik’s blessing to restructure it, and when I came up with it it was like a vision. Well it was actually. I saw it over the repeated course of a week. The necropolis, the rules inside the haven for membership. The titles the status, the law, what the site would entail. All of it. I remember nik sayin jesus you designed it like the nazi’s ran germany. I said yes but think of what we do with it. It would no longer just hinge on me and my dedication. It would be it’s own machine. Every member being an intricate part of running it all. But not only would it give us power, it would take the load off of me specifically.
With my new title as scion of the nation, Redemption would take on a new meaning. I would merge it into the masquerade and the white wolf texts, combined with folk lore and coven’s, I would structure the ladder to have meaning and merit. The site would be informational and also a record of all our actions. We began growing. I employed justin and his girlfriend, Kathleen and all my friends. I gave them all their own houses. I claimed Tremere, Nik claimed Brujah, Kathleen claimed torreador. Justin under my direction claimed the gargoyles, the guardians of the Tremere. Others came in and claimed different houses. We even opened a line for the lupine also based on white wolf text. Fuck them furballs. But they had there uses, like everyone else. Certainly a time of decadence.
I had women try to get close to me after tati, I mostly outed the frauds and rejected the ones I used. At this point I had no use for women or relationships. However from time to time vincent needed to feed, so he did. I accepted i was to sick and to disgusting to even begin to get physically close to anyone so all my drive went into the nation, furthering it and recruiting. Old members came back, new members came in. We grew like a fire. We did everything from signing website guestbooks to making business cards and planting them all over. The bigger I made it the bigger my head got, and the bigger nik’s ego became. He took credit for just about everythign I did, and I stayed silent. However, time revealed to most members who was really working behind the curtain, and it started to piss nik off.
With justin and his woman I had allies, but I needed to populate my house. Nik stole just about every prospect that came in especially female but again, something happened. I was working on my site dealing with the occasional nation drama as usual until I received a messaged received it from a little girl by the name of Kambrea. She was 13 or 14 at the time. She wanted in the nation. Normally due to our graphic and explicit nature, underage people were not allowed. I spent hours talking to her, giving her every reason why she shouldn’t. She pushed the issue, and her maturity was well above your typical girl, her desperation was great, her sadness and need for acceptance also was deep. I felt she had to be in, and I convinced nik to let me prospect her. She was the first to enter my house as a neophyte, and I began to train train her in the ways of my house. I felt I needed this, I loved her like a daughter. I was to never have any
children, but this girl I would take on as my own.
I shaped her, I molded her. I told her everything from the lore of my house, to who I was, to how to handle school and parental life in a dysfunctional family. How to dress, how to speak, how to stand. I taught her how to be desirable, and much like noelle I taught her how to manipulate, how to breathe, how to survive.
I sired her in nation tradition, and made her my progeny, my submissive, she would be my finest work. Because I could love her at a distance. Her age made her body taboo, and I kept my distance. She followed me everywhere, she was my right hand and executed my will flawlessly. She became the youngest elder in the nation, the most cunning of them. She had more brains than all of them put together, thanks to me. She also became the record keeper of all meetings, and did an amazing job. The record vault was locked up tight less High elders (People that ruled their houses). It was a very high honor. She would be the stapled example of what every nation member was supposed to be, but never measured up to.
I felt complete, at least complete enough to be satiated in all aspects of my life, I had a career, had people I trusted watching my back, I had all the sex and feeding I needed, and I had someone to love, a lost broken soul to mend. There was nothing left to acquire. Kam was sired by myself in front of the entire nation, under nik’s blessing. She became an Elder, also the youngest to become one.
At the same time however I had a live journal back in the day under the name of redemption76, and well its long since purged and deleted but, the reason I mentioned it is Amy.She found my journal and was quite a fan for a good while. She knew me, the nation everything I wrote and was totally cool with it.I wasn’t to sure about her but I had her fly into Atlanta and we spent a week together. I thought she could be the light to my dark. She was upbeat, she was happy it seemed, seemed like she loved me and accepted my position in the internet and the nation. We talked about her coming to georgia, she said she had a better job in dallas texas, I was undecided. To be Honest I hated even the idea of going to Texas. Fucking cowboys , moonshine , killer bee’s fire ants, fucking hot, bunch of po dum ho dum dem dar mother fuckers. Texas was like another planet to me.
Then comes the deciding factor, My accident. I was heading to work on a rainy, foggy day. I pulled up to the first stop sign no problem, the next sign I got T boned by a diesel with a cattle rack that didn’t even get a scratch. He totaled me out, spun me 3 times crushed the car bounced my head off a windshield and damn near fucking killed me. Then if that wasn’t enough then comes my brother joe, he was out of the army and has himself this giant religious experience and decides to come to georgia to share it with my mother. One night, the whole house turned into some shit like in the jim jones tent before they drank all that tasty kool aid. I called amy and she was like, yah get the fuck out of there. So that
was it, off to texas I went. Packed all my shit in a car I rented one way. I couldn’t leave that fucker fast enough.
When I got with amy, I had hell trying to find work, I ended up as a troubleshooter for irrigation systems, residential and commercial. Driving dallas sucked. I didn’t do to bad on it, finally learned how to program and fix them fucking things. In georgia we got calls all the time for them. From there I landed a job with cody owens electric. He was out of hurst and what a fucking asshole. This guy worked me in a ditch until my lower back blew out so bad I could not stand up for a month. I had to crawl to the bathroom to pee, amy was pissed off with that. Turns out she was pissed with quite a bit. Somewhere in the middle of all this, I was introduced to 2 new things. Myspace was released and the nation had a new motor in social media. We ate it up. Next came amy and her introduction to a game called Everquest. I fell in deep during my back injury, played it on all my off time. But at least I thought amy was happy. I soon found out she was happy because she drank gallons of whiskey a day and smoked ounces of pot. Off of that shit, she was a total bitch. So another lying woman i moved my ass for. After I got my back back to some kind of par, I started confiding in kam what a cunt she was, well she rifled through my phone one day and found it.
She told me to leave, funny enough right around the time my brother needed help in killeen. He was having problems with his girlfriend, she threatened to kill him and called my mother on the phone. My mom scared shitless begged me to go down and look after him. I loaded what I could in his car, left the rest. It didn’t matter where I was. The nation, Kam, Justin, were always with me. By now we were worldwide, people from everywhere. I was mad respected, and nik backed everything I did. I felt unstoppable.
This was the song I picked for my house.