There she was.

I remember driving down with all I had racing inside of me. I actually had to pull over and take few minutes to center myself. I never saw her up close, or face to face. I was going down as a friend, so I really had to keep my shit in check. I called her one more time, asked her if she was sure about me coming down there. I figure it must have been strange to let a stranger come waltzing into her place all by herself. But she seemed ok, so on I went.

When I got out of my car, I found out why. She had one hell of a scary looking dog. Looked husky but I saw wolf teeth, yah that’ll do it. She had to convince me the dog was cool, he was barking like he wanted my ass for lunch. I walked through the door. She was sitting on the couch on the far side of the room.

Time just froze in place. She was by far and away the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her from that second. It was the first time in my whole life I said she’s the one. I had no defenses, I felt like I wanted to just run up and kiss her right there. I held back though, played it cool best I could. The whole room was decorated with dream catchers. A few boxes stacked up here and there, I just kind of lightly poked around. Wow she even liked the same movies I did. Least i knew I wouldn’t be bored.

The night went on, we had a few drinks I don’t even remember what we were watching (it was evil dead the original), I was just watching her intently. The way her dress curved on her body, her hair, her eyes, her smile. She was shy, mostly quiet. Seemed reserved or something. She had something hung around her neck,

I asked what it was and she just yanked it off and threw it on the coffee table It turns out it was a Chinese symbol for friendship given to her by a great love of her life, tony, the guy she was grieving over in the profile I found her on.. I assumed it was a man she was seeing till that minute. I knew at that moment, I was crazy about her. She had all the best qualities of every woman I ever had, she also had scars, she had a past she had pain I could tell. I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking it all away. I just wanted to do anything for her.

I went for broke and kissed her, from there it was passion like I never had or wanted to have my whole life. I was in so deep, I never wanted to leave the bed, or be more than 5 feet from her. I woke up the next day and she was out in the kitchen cooking. I saw the heads of her kids poking out here and there but they all seemed to keep their distance. I sat on the couch and just watched her. I was hers from there, and at that point, I never wanted to live anywhere else but in her heart. Vincent just had no say, no line on this. She was mine, and I loved her with all my being, everything. God I loved her. I could feel.

Murder, Betrayal, and my Exile.

Thanksgiving was coming, I had no one to spend it with. Jeannie however offered to come from Tennessee to Texas to take me to her home in union city and have thanksgiving with her family. It was pretty bitter sweet, her family didn’t know how to take me but I didn’t give a shit. Her man was an ok guy, but he didn’t know how to take me either. Jeannie of course wanted a relationship, however again I informed her I cannot love anymore. I accepted it, she tried to build something more with me anyway. It wasn’t happening, I couldn’t even show her a quarter of who I was. But I will admit, it was a relief to adjust to some normalcy for a holiday in the midst of all my chaos. It really just hurt in the end more than anything going home. I longed for what I could not posses. A running partner I could bond to.

December was my decision to go home for Christmas. I pulled my vacation and set up my time. I would spend the first night with my friend long before the nation from liwe named Kathleen and her neophyte Darlene in Philly, then spend a few days with Darlene. From there with the grandparents for I missed them terribly, then the last night before I left to go home would be spent with Kathleen. They both had no problems saying they wanted me, and I had no problems keeping them both separated from each other in the aspect of discussing me intimately. They both kept their own secrets concerning me due to the nation flack etc… worked like a charm.

Darlene was a wonderful woman, but she had a drug problem. Pill addiction to 3ercodan. She could have been, she could have. I just didn’t like the idea of a woman that just can’t face reality on a daily basis. It was the AA in me at the time. I conquered my need for pills over time, best i could anyway. Occasionally I had a drink here and there to ease the life stress, but my vodka was it. I drank socially mainly, once a month. Was a shame, a real damn shame. I kept in touch with her though, she cleaned up later got in AA and found a great guy. She was a great one, but she just wasn’t my great one.

Kathleen was a hell of a story. I used to hang out with her on liwe for years before I even joined the nation. She’d always come on drunk, but she was the life of the room. She was single always, did all kinds of fun social stuff, vampyre ball, rocky horror, she was just fun. Single too, worked for a radio station and loved her dog like no other person I ever seen, rivaling my grandmother. Hairdresser too. She was in New jersey but hell, nobody’s perfect. Fuck Jersey.

When I met her I almost felt rushed to go up to the room she rented. She was

slamming 3 drinks to my 1. She seemed agitated, edgy. Very unlike what i talked to. The evening was different than what I expected as well, she actually wanted me to feed off of her. What I didn’t know is she had all she owned in the trunk of her car, she was trying to talk me into taking her to Texas. I would have honestly, but something didn’t feel right about her. I got the call from her husband after she left the hotel. They had been married for as long as I knew her, she lied about her whole fucking life. She didn’t work the country station. She even got me an autographed picture of a singer on ebay to hold up the lie. God damn she was good. But she was busted. Again, had I fell in love with the lying bitch I would have been crushed. Hiding my heart saved me so many times to this point I felt it was infallible. Every bitch lies, and they all leave. I lived by my grandfathers ideology, woman are like ice cream cones, lick them till there gone. I avoided a lot of pain that way.

So back to Texas I go. Nik has now had enough. Maybe it was the fact I was meeting women and he was not and that was the last straw? No idea. But I will tell the tale of the call. It will be the first time I have written of it.

He called and said he wanted to disband the nation, he was furious. He started ranting and raving about all this childish shit like a child that wasn’t getting enough attention. I could here jealousy, anger, paranoia, a very unstable mind. Sadly, I had contingency for all of this. I always had the ability to cut Nik off from his own nation. I had it times to pull the lever and shut him out in 5 minutes. All keys, all passwords, all memberships, all access. I just let him rant himself to death begging for the time to get this done. I finished 20 seconds before he finally came out and said I STARTED THIS MOTHER FUCKER I CAN ERASE IT ALL AND SHUT IT DOWN ANYTIME I WANT!!!! SEE WATCH THIS SHIT!! WATCH EVERYTHING YOU DONE GO AWAY!! FUCK YOU!! As he tried to access the mainframe to delete all my work, he suddenly fell silent. I said Nik, the nation is greater than any one person now, I can’t let you do this. I’m sorry.

He started crying. No shit. He said ok, I get it you want me out I’m out. You win the nations yours. I’m not really a bad guy I’m just a guy here’s my son talk to him he’ll tell you. He even put his son on the phone. He said I wanted to rob his life’s work all along and I finally succeeded etc… Good show and all that. I told him nik, I never wanted it all, I just wanted to be a part of it all. Not like this man, it ain’t right, and it will never be right if this is how it goes down. I restored his access and said do what you have to do. The tremere will back your decision as we always have.

He officially suspended and banned all nation activities and froze the roster. This cut the nation in half. Almost everyone under an elder split overnight and scattered. All the weaker houses crumbled, 3 were left. Brujah, Tremere, and Torreador barley. My house stayed silent, nik tried goading us to fight his decision several times, and we remained silent. The inner circle of my house was frantic. We all had enough, it was time. We had enough of nik, we had enough of all the users, the liars. The manipulators, the non committed. The jealousy and hatred of the power and status I had, I mean fuck even Nik hated it. I was tired of fighting my own necropolis. Everyone was full of shit, but I truly believed my house could endure. I was half right.

Nik tried to play down his decision, but I was not about to rebuild what he crumbled just so he could crumble it again in a few months. I wrote the laws, I gave him the power to do so. But I never thought he would go off the rails so much he’d crumble his own empire. I guess he did when he felt it wasn’t under his grip anymore solely. We all agreed to walk away. We did, and that was the end of me, I was now antitribu, Exiled from my very machine. It strangely was relief. I never cried, or felt sorrow. I felt like a veteran coming home from a war. The nation was my family, now my family hated me. One thing about me, I will not stay where I am not wanted.

From what I hear is a few people tried to scion, but eventually the last of the nation imploded. All the houses crumbled, everyone scattered away. Nik went on to do the Georgia Metal Alliance, from there I couldn’t tell you. He tried to contact me once, I ignored it. Then the server the site was hosted on wiped out all my sites a year or so later. I Had the entire nation everything all backed up safely on my pc at this point, I decided that day to delete the backup and wipe the last of it out of my life forever. There are some remnants out there still, eventually they will purge too I am sure. So that life was washed away like a sand castle in a rolling tide.

Liwe was next to implode, the owners took the money and ran. They left the program rot. My space was dying and facebook was born and in full swing. It just all seemed to make sense. Social media had not evolved into vocal communication, it had a paid price tag to it and it killed the idea out. Now it was nothing but message boards. Communicators were closed out slowly and bought up by companies to dismantle or downgrade their features. It was just all over. The murder of internet life.

Kam was next to go, she had her man and she felt she had learned all she needed from me, or maybe she felt since I had no status and didn’t resurrect a new nation I was just another asshole at that point. Honestly it broke my heart, I did not know for sure if we had a relationship future at that point, but I had the only love I could have for anybody with her. We just grew that close. Severing that connection broke Vincent up. It was a strong bond that fell into another flat lie. I expected from every other woman on the planet, but not that betrayal, not from her. I invested too much into her.

So at this point in time I thought it be a good idea to find some new friends. I still couldn’t have a relationship, that was out. But I thought maybe just being in some female company would be a nice way to occupy my time instead of living on everquest. By now I formed a guild was in it pretty heavy, and had a long time circle of friends. It became a rather lonely worthless existence really fast. Money was pointless to me, a career gave me no interest, all of it was pointless anymore.

I started poking around on some dating sites, nothing but the usual trash. What a waste of time. I was on one site called true, more so just reading what the women of the world wanted out of a guy these days. The usual be rich be cute, be sweet but not too sweet, be strong but not too strong, along with the usual long list of what woman didn’t want. Just all the stupid usual bullshit. That’s when I first saw her, Jet black hair, the most beautiful eyes I ever seen, I just went wow, she stood so far apart from everyone else on there. I kept clicking on and said yah right. Never happen. Way out of my league. The more I clicked on the more I just couldn’t get over her. She was just so gorgeous. I read her profile, she spoke of not really wanting to be involved with a serious relationship, the only man she ever loved was named Tony, and he died. She was so heartfelt about him. I could feel her loss, it matched my own. I didn’t honestly think anything would come of it. But I wrote to her anyway. I said if you ever needed a friend to hang out with or someone to talk to , I really could relate and understand her loss.

I really would have been stoked just dating her as a friend. I would have hung posters of her on my wall, I was one smitten kitten. So I waited a few days, Of course nothing. I let the membership lapse and just forgot about it. It wasn’t the first time I gaga’d over a broad, wouldn’t be the last.

Enter Lindsey. She hits me up cold on yahoo messenger one night out of the blue and we just start talking. She said her husband was overseas and she wanted to leave him. She had some kids, something I never got involved with before. But they had a father, I wasn’t all that stressed about it. They were nice kids. She said she hit me up because I was the only one who didn’t have a cock pic for my picture. Well, how refreshing. I asked her out for lunch and she agreed to a dinner. I found her pretty, not quite my kind of usual pretty but pretty in her own right. The only thing we really had in common was we were both lonely, and both sexually attracted to each other. Her longing to be seduced was intoxicating, and our times together provided a repast to my empty soul.

Her husband came home however, and she decided to patch it up with him and try again. Fuck ever, rejected again. I wasn’t to busted up about it, after all she was his husband, they married. I was just a cock to cry on.

Time goes by and I get an email, it was a response from the gal I was drooling over. She actually wrote back? I paid another 20 bucks just to get the response
read. She left me a number to call her. I just so happened to be high as fuck when I called her. I felt like I was 6 years old going to my first day of kindergarten. I couldn’t quit my heart from skipping, I couldn’t stop my pulse from racing, it really was so hard play it cool but when I first heard her voice something happened, I was smiling. Really smiling. I could not remember the last time I felt like this. It happened so hard, so fast. Then it was gone. I actually spent the rest of the night basking in the glow of it. I slept like a rock.

Maybe in the next day or two I don’t exactly remember I am out with Andrew working on this addition. My phone goes off, she was texting about her divorce being fucked up and her day in court went bad. I responded sorry to hear I didn’t even know she was married. Confused me a bit because I assumed she was a widow. I figured I’ll ask later. I will not write what her next text was but it about threw me off the ladder. Sent my mind wandering in places you don’t want it to when your high up in the air. Needless to say she was going to be fun to flirt with.

Valentine’s day was coming. I was going to be alone again, so I took a chance and asked her if she wanted to hang out a little before it, have a few drinks whatever. She went for it and I’m trying like hell to impress her. I asked what to bring her to drink she said it didn’t matter, at that point I said if it’s going to be like that I’ll bring you some thunderbird. She was acting like it was ok I said no please tell me seriously. She said she wanted crown royal. Well I figured why not? I got a mixer and I got my vodka usual as well. What happened next would change my entire existence forever. For the first time not only would I get everything I wanted, I didn’t even have to fight for it. Almost like she was waiting for me. But at this point in time, I was just going to meet a new friend. How could I expect anything further? Look what I was. Win, Lose or draw, it was time to ante up and grab my

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