my nightmare

I had this dream tonight, first time I ever had a dream about the wife since she stated she wanted a divorce last November. I am writing it down because not only was it vivid, I believe it was symbolic. Also terrifying.

I dreamt we did try to patch things up, we agreed to move in to my old house on jefferson avenue in pottstown where my stepfather did all of abuse to me. She was on the computer at a desk in the living room, I asked her to tell me the truth on what she was doing the whole time I left texas. She wouldn’t say. Her kids would not say either. I pulled out a gun and stuck it to my head, she still wouldn’t say. In the meantime she sent an email to the cops. I took it off my head after she said she sent the email to the police and i stuck the barrel down her throat. I dragged

her outside. She started screaming for the kids to look for the cops and I went in the detached garage, I remember wandering inside the garage and just walking around in circles. I think at this point I dropped the gun. When I came out I didn’t have it or use it.

The police officer showed up, she was female. Instead of her arresting me like I thought she was asking tammy to just say what happened. She kept walking away from the cop or trying to anyway and was screaming leave me alone for a bit and then she finally just spilled it. She was using men for money, had them living there paying rent or even just giving her loans for sexual favors or promises of them. She started rattling off names of people she mentioned over the years and what she did with them. Nothing else happened after that, I woke up.

I felt really shaken, different. I felt like I did when I saw my stepfather in my dream as a child, beating me. I felt used, betrayed, lied to. I think an old friend is telling me to finish this.